Over the weekend Patrick and I finished lesson 3 of our Parent Education Class.  Our topic this time was “The Internal Alarm.”  The basic idea is that when we have a need and that need is not being met we have an internal alarm that begins to sound.  They went on to explain that the more a need is not met the sooner and easier an alarm will begin to sound.  The example they used was a child who was hungry.  At 1st their alarm would only sound when they did not get enough to eat.  However, if they continually didn’t get enough to eat then the alarm may begin to sound when they see food; even if there is enough food for them to eat that time.  It could continue even further to the point where even the smell of food would trigger the internal alarm for the child.

We learned that the internal alarm could take one of two forms.  Some kids just shut down when their alarms go off.  They become very quiet and unresponsive.  They can often be seen as either very good kids, quiet kids, or shy kids but really what is happening is their alarm is going off and they are retreating inside of themselves.  The other possibility is that when the alarm goes off we have a child who is just going crazy.  It could take the form of a temper tantrum but it could also be a child running all over the place, very talkative, and just seeming out of control (of either their body or their emotions).

They gave us 3 parenting techniques to use when our child’s internal alarms are going off.   The 1st suggestion was to avoid if possible those things that trigger the internal alarm from going off in the 1st place.  However, that’s not always possible or realistic.  So when the child’s alarm does go off we are to use “pull close” parenting.  This basically means that we are to have the child close to us, we are to hold them, and try to comfort them when they are experiencing an internal alarm.  Finally we are to parent the issue not the behavior.  It’s easy for most parents to just deal with the behavior, especially with those kids who are just out of control.  However, they explained to us that parenting the behavior is like trying to give a driving lesson to someone in the moments before a head on collision.  The child is in a state of panic and they really aren’t going to remember anything you say to them at that point.  So it is much more helpful to work with your child to try and figure out what is setting off their behavior (internal alarm) and help them process those emotions in a healthy way.

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